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self-mastery journal

when in doubt, whip it out.

I was very inexperienced with the opposite sex in high school. When I asked a friend for advice, he told me, “When in doubt, whip it out.”

That was very bad advice.

I had my chance with a girl on the beach the following summer. After doing the awkward dance of jumbled words and waiting games, I finally made a move. Five minutes into the make-out session I followed my friend’s advice, unbuttoned my pants and gave the bed snake some air.

It was just hanging out like a hungry, poised, one-eyed monster. The girl definitely noticed, but she didn’t do anything about it. We just kept making out.

Five minutes later she said hesitantly, “I think I should go back to my friends.” She walked back up to the campfire while I quickly locked Earthworm Jim back in his cage. I never saw that girl again. When I told my friends about it, we had a good laugh and forgot about it the next day.

Yeah…it was embarrassing. Maybe not as embarrassing as sharing the story to internet strangers. But then again, why not share it? Perhaps metaphorically speaking, “When in doubt, whip it out” is great advice.

Any time the when-in-doubt voice in your head overshadows the whip-it-out voice that wants to approach an attractive man/woman, ask a person for help, go busking on the street corner, call that one important person, or share an embarrassing personal story with the world, appreciate the former and listen to the latter. If you’re rejected, the most likely thing to happen is that the rejecter simply “goes back to her friends.”

If you’re not rejected…awesome! Just, uh…don’t actually whip it out.