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self-mastery journal

people pleasing adventures, part 5: australia let me down.

(for part 4, click here.)

The apex of my people-pleasing in high school was with Australia.

That’s what I’ll call her. I had a crush on her since the beginning of freshman year. Halfway through Junior year, we finally started to know each other better. She was the most popular theatre kid in my grade; I was a quiet stage crew guy.

Being in show choir together allowed our relationship to blossom like a daffodil. Too bad I stomped on it.

One night after high school graduation, we sat on painted rocks by the beach. I had a bucket-list with my friend at the time, and one of its requirements was to express my feelings to Australia. So that’s what I did.

It went horribly. My body communicated: “I’m really embarrassed about my feelings. I’m not deserving of your time or attention.” I didn’t even make a damn move on her.

After pulling into her driveway, I asked in a pathetic puppy-dog tone if I’d ever see her again. She replied, “Of course!”

Of course…not. I never saw Australia again. I don’t blame her though. I would have done the same if I were in her shoes.

(for part 6 click here.)